BACK HOME ON THE RANCH

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It was a relief to get back home. Not just to sleep in our own beds, but many of us had flu symptoms and needed time to recuperate. As students, we had a special privilege. We could stay with a special host family at the Desert Vineyard in Lancaster. I cherished my time with David and Christine DeWitt. They gave me a safe place and ministered to me in a meaningful way. They became a family that was not only close to my heart but also close to God’s heart.
 
During our recuperation back at the Ranch, I again immersed myself in A.W. Tozer's book, The Pursuit of God. The topic of humility presented a significant challenge for me. I wondered what my reaction would be if, after my experience at the Ranch, God told me, “Now you can go home Leonie. There is no England.” Would I stand before everyone who knows me and say, "All I learned, and all God wanted to teach me, was to trust and obey Him"? Would I be able to acknowledge that this journey is not about me; it's all about Him?
 
Jesus said, "How can you believe in Me? You seek and receive glory from one another. But, you do not seek the glory of the one true God" John 5: 44. It is easy to join the crowd, raise our hands, sing His praises, and declare our love for Him. But am I doing this only to gain the praise of others?
 
Tozer said: “In speaking thus I have one fear; it is that I may convince the mind before God can win the heart. For this God, above all position, is one not easy to take. The mind may approve it while not having the consent of the will to put it into effect. While the imagination races ahead to honour God, the will may lag behind and the man never guess how divided the heart is.
Oh God, be exalted over my possessions. Nothing of earth’s treasures shall seem dear to me if only You are glorified in my life.
Be exalted over my friendships. I am determined that You shall be above all, even if I must stand deserted and alone in the midst of the earth.
Be exalted over my comforts. Even if it means losing bodily comforts and carrying heavy burdens, I will keep my vow made before You today.
Be exalted over my reputation. Make me eager to please You. If it means fading into obscurity and being forgotten like a dream, so be it.
Rise, O Lord, to Your rightful place, above my ambitions, my likes and dislikes, my family, and my health.
Amen.”
Although my journal entry from that day in April 1994 is a vague memory now, much of it has remained in my heart. I have had to choose God over friends and family countless times. I have often felt compelled to speak honestly, even when it wasn’t in my best interest. Sometimes my replies have come in silence, and at other times, I wish I had kept my mouth shut. I do not seek a place of honour; God saved me from that.
 
The most challenging aspect I never anticipated was exalting Him above my comforts. At times, the loss of physical comfort and living with pain feels unbearable. Yet He has promised that His grace is sufficient for me, and I hold on to that promise. I recently heard a sermon by Tyler Staton on Redemptive Suffering. He spoke about the link between compassion and suffering. The students blessed me by naming me "Compassion" at the end of our Vineyard School of Ministry in the Spring of 1994.
 
My prayer is that I will develop a deeper awareness of His wonder through my pain and suffering. I still have much more to discover about the one and only, awesome, and Holy God.

 

 

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