It was Friday, our last weekday at the Ranch. I had been trying to find accommodation in England for my time after the Ranch. It was essential to find a place to stay. I also needed to connect with a Vineyard Church in England. I wanted to call it "home" and get its support for my mission. Unfortunately, every door I approached seemed to slam shut. I was getting nervous; I had nowhere to go and not enough money for food, accommodation, or travel.

 

I constantly called out to God, “Please Lord, please!” I was hoping my friend Derek could help spread the word while he was in London. He mentioned he knew a girl from church whom he would ask, so I was anxiously waiting for a message from him. This was before the days of mobile phones, and the fastest means of communication back then was by fax.

 

On that Friday, Mark suggested a prayer time for students with staff included. Several people needed guidance. I was grateful for the opportunity. The team prayed for a positive answer from Derek in England. If not, they prayed for some other solution. On Saturday, we were all busy packing and preparing to leave the Ranch. I planned to spend seven days with my host family, David and Christine, in Lancaster before leaving the USA. They offered to take me to David and Christine Fulton’s home in Anaheim. The Fulton’s would drive me to the airport for my flight on Tuesday, May 31.

 

At lunch in the kitchen, I bumped into Christer Spett, a staff member who had prayed for me the day before. He started telling me a story. It was about a man who wrote a book in 1860. In it, he said he would pack his bag and go to whatever town God sent him, never planning where to stay. He had incredible faith, simply walking into a town and waiting for someone to offer him a bed for the night.

I gasped and stared at Christer in disbelief. I pictured myself walking out of the airport in England, my heavy suitcase in tow waiting for someone to offer me a place to stay. “Thank you Christer! That’s not quite what I wanted to hear right now.” I went to my room feeling shocked. Is that what God wants me to do? I didn’t think so. I decided to turn my thoughts elsewhere. Later, all the host families arrived at the Ranch. They came to collect the students for the weekend. David and Christine were there to pick me up. We all worshipped together and then had a “Godspeed Barbeque” afterwards.

 

As we finished worship, David felt the Lord wanted him to pray for those struggling with shame. I didn’t think I had that issue anymore, especially since Bob Craine had prayed for me, so I didn’t step forward. However, when we got to their house, David spoke to me about it. He said he had noticed how often I put my hand in front of my mouth when I laughed or sometimes even when I spoke. He prayed for me and encouraged me not to feel ashamed when I spoke or laughed. I still find it a challenge to express what he told me about being beautiful. It’s tough to forget the hurtful words my mother spoke to me and her rejection of me. I feel so uncomfortable when people compliment me; I want to run away. Will I ever be able to truly love myself?

 

I spent the week helping my host family prepare for their oldest daughter's wedding on the Saturday. It was an eye-opener to be in a shop called Party World. That was the highlight of the week. Whatever your heart desires—and more! ‘America! The land of excess!’ That was my positive thought at the time, long before the era of recycling.