During the last few days with David and Christine, I met a friend of theirs who often visits them during the week. I think he must have worked with David. He was a Christian but very reserved. I noticed he was wearing a wedding ring, but Christine informed me that he was always at their home. This raised some questions for me, and I wondered if the Lord was trying to get my attention. Later that day, I asked Christine if he was married. She said his wife had left him for another man. But, he refused to give up hope for their marriage.

 

It was clear to me that he was still in the "Denial" stage of the Kübler-Ross Grief Model. Divorce is a significant loss that often evokes a similar grieving process to losing a loved one, involving emotions like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Although the experience is unique to each individual, it can be more complex due to the presence of the other person in your life. This type of grief is sometimes called "ambiguous loss". My heart went out to this friend of theirs.

I excused myself and took a walk, finding solace under a large tree in a park. There, I began to intercede for him. I remembered something I learned from John Wimber that made a lot of sense. He taught about prayer and the different ways we can pray. I always thought somehow that interceding in prayer for someone is to pray non-stop, shutting yourself off and really push through in constant talking/praying. However, John taught me that it involves carrying that person in your heart and mind for as long as it takes.

 

Sometimes, it also means praying to God for them, more conversationally. You develop such compassion for that person that you cry out to God for them, just as you would for your own sorrow or pain. As I sat under that tree, I reflected on the hurt, shame, and rejection I experienced during and after my divorce. The expectations and judgements from others. It made things worse. I knew what scripture says about divorce.

 

Matthew 19 states: "When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea, to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. Some Pharisees came to him to test him.” They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?"

They wanted to know the reasons for divorce. Jesus wanted them to know that one cannot divorce a wife for trivial reasons, like not liking her soup. Back then, getting a divorce didn't require a solicitor and thousands of pounds. A man could just write a letter and send his wife away. Perhaps he needed the local rabbi’s blessing, but that was all. Jesus took the subject of divorce seriously because he understood the pain it caused. He showed compassion for society's outcasts, like prostitutes and tax collectors. God hates divorce because of the ongoing and tormenting hurt it brings. He knew this pain all too well when He spoke about divorcing Israel.

 

 

We must remember Jesus' compassionate, non-judgemental heart for anyone who repents. It extends not just to prostitutes and adulterous women, but also to adulterous men. This includes those, like David and Christine's friend, who were left by their wives. Over the past forty years, I've come to learn about the depths of God’s love for us. King David, who celebrated the wonder of God, was no saint. Despite his many sins, God loved him. God's mercy, grace, and love for us are overwhelming. So, yes! I was interceding for the yet-to-be-divorced man, under that tree. I knew that there is life after death and life after divorce, and it was time for him to move on and see the plans God has for him.

 

I walked back home to Christine and sat down with her to discuss this man’s situation and what he should be doing. After all, David and Christine have such a strong and healthy marriage. I wasn’t sure if they had ever considered the topic of divorce. Christine assured me that they would talk to him. Years later, I asked her what happened to that man. She told me he divorced, moved away, and then remarried a wonderful Christian woman. My heart was filled with joy. Thank You Lord.