The first group we started at Hillside Vineyard was one of the most difficult home groups we have ever had. We felt relief when we handed the group over to the host. The start of it was all wrong, as we did not know each other at all. Our pastor asked us to start a group with her. Before we started, we sat down with the host and asked her if she wanted to run the group with us assisting her. She declined our offer and asked us to lead. After about a good part of a year, we would arrive every week finding her home open and ready for us, but she was not there. Finally, we asked to meet with her, and it was clear that she was resenting us leading the group so we immediately suggested she take the group over and let us move on. We were so glad to get to the end of that group and were now free to let the Lord lead us to the next step.

 

One Sunday at church we met a young couple called Anthony and Julia Bradbury previously from the Vineyard in Birmingham. They had moved to South Africa to work at Sparrow Schools, a bridging school for unschooled children who were not ready to slot into regular schools. Anthony and Julia found it quite difficult to slot in with the Vineyard in South Africa. We invited them for a meal. Straight away we formed a deep connection with them. They were a true gift from God in many ways. Not only during this time but also in the future when we moved to England.

Before our move to England, we had a special evening where we went out for a meal with Anthony and Julia. We were having a normal conversation over dinner like we always do. A lady who was at another table, stopped at our table on her way out. She told us, “I have been watching you for some time while you have your conversation. I want to share with you that I find your communication with each other fascinating. I am a psychologist who studies the art of conversation. Your communication skills and your deep listening to each other are remarkable.” Of course, we know why. A pity that she didn’t want to know more. She left without warning, as she had arrived.

 

Back to home groups. We considered starting a new group with Anthony and Julia. Our reception room in our new home wasn’t very big. We could with a stretch fit no more than 10 people in, and that would be quite uncomfortable. During this time, we met Paul and Sonja, whom we had the honour of taking through pre-marital training, all good training for the future. Then we had the news that Marco and Yvonne and their daughter from Switzerland were staying in South Africa for a while. We took them under our wing. They couldn’t speak much English and had no transport, but in the end, they settled in among us all. Although I have had previous friends and acquaintances from Switzerland, it didn’t prepare me for having to communicate in my home-made sign language.

 

I remember one evening they invited us for dinner. As we sat around the table, they asked us to help ourselves to some salad, pointing at the salad bowl in the middle of the table. We both hesitated because we were used to eating salad with our meal. The problem was, there was no other meal. We could see the kitchen from where we sat. We could see no pots or dishes on the cooker containing the required meal that goes with the salad. We finished our salad and were happy when they asked us if we wanted more, as by this time we were quite hungry. What a relief when Marco got up and started cooking us a meal.

 

Before Costa and Lorraine moved to Cape Town, they went on holiday and asked Hendrik and me if we wanted to look after their house during this time. It was Christmas time, and it was wonderful to be in a big house. We told our group that we would be meeting at Costa’s house that final week before Christmas. They had an extra big lounge area, and it overlooked their electric gates. I remember standing at the window watching car after car arriving and my eyes were getting bigger and bigger. Within one week, our home group more than doubled in size. We realised that we had to immediately find another venue for the group when we got back together in January. One of the new couples who joined us that night were old friends who stopped attending church altogether. They offered for us to use their home from January.

We had some good times in that home group, and we soon began to expand. One night, it was Hendrik’s birthday, at the same time as the birthday of our host. We decided to share a meal to celebrate. I was going to make the main meal and the host was providing the dessert. Hendrik wasn’t feeling very well, so he decided to go see the doctor on his way home from work. My behaviour that day shocked me. I was happy he was back, as I needed his help to get all the food in the pan and into the oven. When I asked him, he said “No, I cannot help you. You must take me to the hospital immediately.” I looked at him, and yes, he was serious. My reply was, “You cannot go to the hospital now? We have a birthday dinner to go to.” I felt such shame. Is that my priority? They had to remove his appendix as soon as possible. I told Hendrik to pack a bag in haste while I cancelled the meeting. He called me from the stairs to say he was ready and waiting for me. I couldn’t believe what I saw. There he was with his toothbrush and a pair of boxer shorts in his hand. Nothing else. Anyway, what a birthday present.

 

There was the vague possibility of a new church plant in Sophiatown in Johannesburg and several people in our group showed some interest in the plant. Our assistant leaders, Anthony and Julia decided that they wanted to get involved there and we decided to split the group, and they went off with a few people from our group. Hendrik and I stayed behind and continued to lead and grow the group left behind.

 

During this time, we also connected again with our dear friends Matthew and Carey. They now had two beautiful little girls and immediately it was a bit difficult for Carey to join Matthew at our home group. In addition to our weekly home group, we decided to start hanging out with them on Fridays at their home. We did nothing more than share meals and amuse ourselves. Not a difficult thing to do with them.

The couple hosting our home group sold their house and moved to Ireland, which forced us to relocate the group. With our imminent move to the UK, we needed someone to take over our home group. I am not sure if Matthew offered to take over the group, or if we asked him to. But, after some time, the group moved over to their home. I guess Matthew said ‘yes’ and Carey said ‘no’ and we decided to make it so anyway. Carey had such a beautiful faith in God and was blessed with so many gifts. I remember the beginning of 2001. Initially, we were so sure that it would take us about three years before we made the big move to England. Until now, there were no signs of when and how we would get there. The home group decided to pray for us, and at that moment, Carey said, “I have a sense the Lord is saying ‘April’.” You will move in April. Carey was always spot-on with her words.

 

What we learned through this time was that this was by far the best way to do small groups. Start it with others, in their home, and then let them take it over from you. However, following the Lord’s guidance is ultimately the way to go. Circumstances can be different in every situation.