AT DEATH’S DOOR
One Saturday in August 2016, Hendrik and I were doing food shopping for the week when I started complaining about back pain. This back pain felt different from the normal back pain I suffer from. I had to leave Hendrik with the shopping list to finish while I went and sat down. By the time we got in the car, I asked Hendrik to take me to the Accident & Emergency section at the hospital. It was clear that something drastic was wrong.
I remember sitting in front of the nurse answering her questions. The next thing I knew they had me on a trolley in a cubicle around the corner. There were about three nurses and two doctors poking holes in my arms. Hendrik was sitting outside the cubicle as two nurses walked out. He overheard one nurse tell the other, “I don’t think she’ll make it.” He tried to get people to pray for me, but he had no internet connection. Instead, he had to pray all by himself. It turned out I had a big kidney stone stuck in my urinary tract and got sepsis from it.
An hour later the doctor came to me and said, “I have never seen anyone make such a sudden turn from sepsis." They had expected me to die within the hour, yet one hour later I was recovering fast. The doctor kept on repeating: “It’s a miracle, it’s a miracle!”. They kept me in hospital for an extended period, but I made a complete recovery.
That was, however, not the end of the story: Over Christmas later that year, I was back in hospital again with sepsis. Months later for the third time I was again showing signs of sepsis. Early one morning I woke up shaking like a leaf and nauseous, and when we called the medical helpline, they called the ambulance for us. While waiting for the ambulance, Hendrik laid hands on me and started to pray. Peace came over me and I stopped shaking. As a precaution, they took me to hospital again and it was timely as they also found out that I had very high blood sugar levels.
After a period of time, I was sent to Bristol Hospital to undergo treatment for breaking up the stone, allowing me to pass it naturally. However, when they finally had me ready to go for the treatment, the stone was gone. I was so thrilled, although they told me there were little ones left in my kidney; they assured me they wouldn’t be a risk.
This thing about physical healing is a tough one, something I tried all my adult life to understand. We try to reason out God’s miracles through our understanding. I am reminded of something Paul Caine said, who had an anointed gift of healing, way back from when he was a child. He explained how God called him to step back from the entire ‘healing ministry’ and conveyed God’s message: “Even if you win this rat race, you will still be a rat.” I have heard first-hand testimonies about his gifting, to call people out by name before he tells them what God is healing them of.
Many times, I was healed miraculously by God, but not every time. It always made me feel like I needed to give God something in return for what He did. Maybe I would get up in church and tell others or maybe go to my GP and tell her or tell the people who took the X-rays? Who is it that I must witness to? Note in the scripture below, that it was the brothers of Jesus who did not believe in him that told Him to go ‘show and tell’.
John 7:3-5 NIV
“Jesus’ brothers said to him, ‘Leave Galilee and go to Judea, so that your disciples there may see the works you do. No one who wants to become a public figure acts in secret. Since you are doing these things, show yourself to the world.’ For even his brothers did not believe in him.”
Does Jesus do miraculous healing to advertise His power and abilities, or does He have compassion on those who are suffering and are in pain? Come to think of it, Jesus doesn’t need an advertising manager. Jesus said He is who He is. Why do we forever want to make a big spectacle of it? Like so many other sick people worse off than me, I know what it is like to be in pain and in need of healing. Many Christians came, pointed their fingers at my back, and commanded me to be healed. It never happened, and then they pointed the finger in my face and blamed me. I became as angry as many of my Christian brothers and sisters who suffer from sickness, pain, and the hurt and lies inflicted upon them in this way. Some are too scared to go to church ever again.
I had Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3 (there is no cure for kidney disease, but it may be possible to stop its progress or at least slow down the damage). Due to this, they do a blood test every year to see how my kidneys are doing. A couple of years after the problems I had with the kidney stones and sepsis, Hendrik and I bumped into a lady from our church in the DIY Store. She had her dad with her. As I was in my wheelchair, her dad wanted to know why, and I told him that I had had an accident as a child and injured my back. The Sunday at church, he and his wife came to me and asked me if they could pray for my back. I will never say ‘no thank you’ as I always have hope. They invited the Holy Spirit to come and minister to me and patiently waited with their hands on my lower back. I was shaking like a reed and sensed the power of the Holy Spirit, and I knew that God was doing something. As we went home, I was a bit disappointed that my back still had all the pain triggers from my ongoing issues.
On Monday morning, I had to go for my normal annual blood tests, and a week later I woke up with my phone ringing. Still half asleep, I answered my phone; it was my GP on the phone. The General Practitioners are often too busy to make odd phone calls. Nevertheless, I was glad to receive this honour and before I could even ask her why she was calling me, she asked me “What did you do?”
“I beg your pardon?” I asked. Again, she asked me, “What did you do? What did you do with your kidneys? They now show as normal!”
At the moment, I didn’t understand what she was talking about. I honestly did not know, and eventually, she put down the phone. But then later, the penny dropped. God healed my kidneys that day at church. It wasn’t my back; it was my kidneys situated in my back.
Now this is it. God knows me. He knew that I would not have a clue what my GP meant that day. This surely must be a missed opportunity for an advert for God. No, it was not. God doesn’t need an advertisement or a promoter or 'Britain's Got Talent’. I am not saying we should not tell our stories. This whole book is about my story. But God is almighty, and He does not need me, but He chose me and chose to include me, only because He loves me. He healed me from sepsis because He knew that sepsis could have killed me, and He still had work for me to do. But I also still live with the agonising back and nerve pain that God has not healed. God said that His grace is sufficient for me, and I try to find that grace in everything He blesses me with every day, for instance praying for others.